Why are you so pretty, Dena?

In the words of Miss Gaga….I was born this way.

Who writes your material?

I do. Actually, my kids and husband do. They just act ridiculous and I simply write it down and I have an act.

Are you funny all the time?

No. Nobody is…unless they’re a drunk. And that gets old real quick.

Why do you hate your dog so much?

My dog Coco is an asshole. He doesn’t listen to anybody ever. He seems to have a cat mentality…where he does whatever he wants any time he wants. My other dog, Daisy, is the best dog in the world and she does tricks that Coco can’t do like listening to commands like “come” and “sh*t outstide.”

You seem to always be drinking in your videos. Do you have a drinking problem?


Do your kids think you are funny?

Some of them do. Dean thinks I’m funny. Brooke has no idea if I’m lying or telling the truth at any given time and I don’t even know if my daughter, Jacqueline, knows I’m a comic.

Is Anderson Cooper as cute in person?

Yes. Even cuter. I think he may ask me out soon.

Are you really a horrible mother to your kids?

Yes, I am. They are not in therapy yet but I’m expecting social services to show up very soon. (See “Pussycat Video”)

What the first thing you will do when your kids leave for college?

Watch the 4th season of Dexter that’s been sitting on my TV stand since 2012.

Why do you have so much anger?

I don’t, Bitch.


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