My 1 Year Divorce Anniversary Trip…
My EAT, WRITE, Drink BOURBON Trip
I didn’t plan this….I should say that now. One year ago this week I was at the lowest point in my life. I was moving forward, reluctantly, with little plans for what I was going to do an hour from any moment, let alone where I’d be a year from then. I spent this week last year off social media, moving through life feeling quite numb…wondering what to do next….Do I go out and try to pretend I’m okay? What do I say to people when they give me the “I’m sorry you’re divorced sad eyes"?
I tried to be strong for my kids but I was mostly filled with fear, anxiety of the future unknown and wondering how I would settle all the financial obligations that now fell squarely in my lap….for the first time. I won’t go into too much of that here. I’m saving that for the book I’m trying to write….which brings me to my EAT, WRITE, Drink BOURBON Trip.
A few months ago a friend wrote on FB that she was in a year long novel writing class. I’ve toyed with the idea of writing about these awful 2 years of my life but, honestly, I was so low I didn’t think anyone wanted to hear me just complain for 200 pages. I knew I needed time. I knew I needed hope….and I knew I needed to give myself some GRACE.
I’m NOT good at giving myself GRACE. I’m great at giving myself the:
The ‘You’re not good enough” speech
The “If you’re not working all the time, you’re falling behind” speech
The “There’s no time to rest, because if you do everything will fall apart” speech
But for the first time…I chose to be silent. I chose to turn the voices off in my head and just be present. To feel EVERYTHING….and it sucked.
I say this because after 365 days, a trip around the sun, lots of therapy and home renovations I feel….better. Not perfect, but better. Even. Safe.
When I reached out to my friend she told me about this writers retreat and I immediately signed up. Even writing this now, two days before I leave, I’m not really sure WHAT I signed up for…but I’m going. I’ve heard whispers of walking 1.5 miles to the store, walking through farmland and manure to get to the market and late nights of reading out loud what I wrote that day to complete strangers (other writers)…but I’m IN…..for all of it.
I’m ready. By the time you read this I’ll have finished my week…and I’m sure I’ll have lots to share…and hopefully a book to go along with it.
I hope you give yourself some GRACE…with whatever you have going on in your life. I don’t remember thinking too much about it when I was younger. Maybe giving yourself a break and some kind words is something you come to as you get older. I know I’ve given friends/ family a break when I know they’ve got things going on in their lives…but I don’t think I ever gave that gift to myself…and I’m glad I did. I hope you give that gift to yourself today or when you need it most. You deserve it:)
