My next car MUST be…
My car died last week…Like an overworked mom trying to keep her sh*t together, she was going about her day, trying to get me to Brooke’s concert, when she started throwing gang symbols (warning lights) about the tires, the transmission and the oil, in succession…then, she just turned off and gently floated to the safety of the shoulder of the road. I’d been filling up the back right tire weekly, the oil every three weeks and stalling out at traffic lights for a few months. I knew the end was coming. I had been saving for about a year so I’d be ready for this fateful day…but alas, when spending that much money, you are NEVER ready.
But, the question remains….Who am I now?… in car language?
Am I a bougie “Volvo plug-in hybrid” gal, willing to put extra money out to save money (and the environment) by going electric? Am I a “no strings attached Jeep” gal, with no husband or kids and the lure of the open road breezing through my hair? Am I the “responsible Toyota Corolla” lady…who pays her bills on time, doesn’t care about what people think and has sensible shoes?
I can tell you who I’m not…..I’m not a “Mercedes Lady” or “Porsche B*tch”, due to my finances. I’m not “Mini Cooper Cool” or “Prius Committed” because I’m too big to fit into either car and a Prius is a life choice…that I just can’t commit to. I figured I could settle in to being a “Sexy Subaru” owner or “Hyundai Honey”….both brands, that used to be middle of the road afforable,are now a stretch!!!
When did cars go from being a means to get around and now rival what I paid for my first house? (I paid $72K for my house in 1999…they were the good ole days) If I’m being honest, I’m part of the problem. I want, what I want…at my price!!!
Unfortunately, I’m divorced, on a budget and facing sticker shock whenever I see a car I remotely like. So, I put together my wish list for my next car….Tell me if you can relate (or want to add something)
My next car MUST be an SUV because my old ass is having a hard time getting in and out of low cars. But not too high because I don’t want to climb in. But high enough that I can see above everyone….but not so high that it feels like I’m driving a truck. Unless the truck is a Jeep, then I’m in, but I still don’t understand the duck thing.
My next car MUST be cool. I’m 51 now and could die at any moment. I don’t want to die in a Toyota Corolla. (Sorry Corolla drivers) I WANT to die in a Porsche…but not PAY for a Porsche. I couldn’t afford the insurance probably, so I’d need notice so I could switch out in time. I could probably cover, like 2 months of Porsche insurance, so…..
My next car MUST be have seat warmers. I had no idea making my bootie warm and feeling like I peed my pants would bring me so much joy. And I like everyone in my car to have their seat warmers on. I have no idea why. If you’re in the car with me…your ass will be warm. Know it.
My next car MUST have Apple Car Play…because it’s awesome and should come with every car. That’s it. It’s perfect.
My next car MUST be a Plug In Hybrid because for some reason I believe I’ll save money on gas, look thinner and meet a handsome fella at a charging station (I guess?)
My next car MUST have leather seats because (like a dumb dumb) I started fostering dogs in the pandemic…then kept adopting them and now I have three. And one smells like poop all the time and they will ruin cloth seats….and I want it.
My next car MUST be small and agile, but still be able to hold all my things and my three dogs, but not be so big that my insurance is ridiculous or that I need to rent a truck if I see a bed or sofa on Facebook Marketplace.
My next car MUST be a beautiful unique color, that will stand out in any parking lot, but isn’t too red cause that’s more in insurance, but not Black (cause that’s boring) but, a cool, new color, like that burnt orange (but i’m not really that crazy) so maybe….like gray…but everyone has grey. So….whatever color is left after that.
My next car MUST be have one of those beautiful screens in the console, but not a ‘23 or ‘24 cause those are too new…so like a ‘22 or ‘21…but still can be certified…but doesn’t have 60K miles on it, cause it’s going to die soon.
My next car MUST have a heated steering wheel….because this is singlehandedly (for some dumb reason) the MOST important thing to me. I (again…for no reason) hold this feature above all else because my hands are SO COLD that warming them up while driving is essential. This feature ONLY comes in the TOP Trims, making most cars completely out of my budget, which, according to my math, I will be driving my bike around town….with a heated steering wheel added to it….because that’s what I’ve done to myself.
My next car MUST be sexy…because why NOT! My minivan wasn’t sexy. My econoline van, with it’s folding bed and full size TV and Atari hook up wasn’t sexy. My grandmoms blue sedan wasn’t sexy. My ex’s hand me down Honda accord wasn’t sexy….and darn it, I’m getting something SEXY!!!
All this to say….if you see me driving my Vespa with accompanying side car with my three dogs, heated steering wheel and iphone taped to the handbars….just keep driving:)
