The Lord works in Aggressive Ways
Bourbon and the Broken Leg
I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be “Mysterious”…but I feel like I’ve tested the Lord in a number of ways, so now he’s just straight aggressive. Let me explain.
Even after 21 years as a stand-up, I don’t know I consider myself an “artist”. I’m sure I’ve earned the title but when I think of “artists” I think of earthy women with low pony tails, no bra and sensible shoes. (I know I have ugly shoes but still don’t qualify) Maybe I’ve got that imposter syndrome people are always talking about.
A few years ago, while faking my way through stand-up, hosting shows and motherhood, people started asking me if I was going to write a book.
“Write a book on what?” I thought.
I’ve read books about people that did amazing things….climbed impossible mountains….survived animal attacks….but a nerd turned beauty queen, turned comedian. Ehhhhh….not such a great story.
That is, until my life fell apart two years ago. I won’t bore you with the sordid details. I figure that’s supposed to be in my book. But I feel like if there’s something worth writing about and finding an ounce of funny in….it’s death, divorce and growing old.
Last October, I signed up for a class in England and began my newest journey. One where I’d one day triumphantly raise my book in the air and scream “I did it!” It just turns out… that’s a lot harder than it looks. Sure, I’d written a one woman show and hours of stand-up but I’ve never SAT DOWN to write. I’m more of a story teller and sitting down to write is basically torture. (These newsletter essays kill me!)
But….I’m a big believer in saying things out loud. I believe if you say what you want out loud, you’re one step closer to achieving it. I believe if you tell one other person on the planet, they are now invested in helping you get there. So, when I told the internet I was writing a book, I was basically committing to the universe I would. (And…I know, now, that was dumb.)
My goal was to have a rough draft by July 1. That would give me time for rewrites through the summer and prepare me for a writing conference I’ve booked in November. But as the deadline gets closer….and I’m missing all my short-term deadlines I’m realizing this isn’t going well.
At first, I blamed life….
My kids need me. (They don’t.)
My closets just need to be cleaned. (They are basically empty now.)
My mom needs me. (She doesn’t)
I need my annual mammogram. (That’s actually true.)
The dogs need their meds. (Also true, but they are sometime a holes and always need me so…..)
And I had to just accept the fact….. I don’t want to write a book.
Which isn’t true.
I WANT to write it….but I don’t WANT to have to write it….or sit down…or deal with my feelings…or type….or write with a pen. Auuuuuggghhh. I’m so sick of myself.
And that’s when the Lord showed up.
I feel like he said…
“Let me help this lady out. Let me give her Kidney Stones. That should slow her down, so she’ll sit down and write.”
I didn’t.
Then, he said, “Let me give her a series of infections (mostly UTI’s) with perhaps a side of intestinal issues so she can’t be far from a bathroom…That will slow her down, so she can write.”
Nothing.
Then, he said, “I’m going to break her F*cking legs.”
And, that did it.
I’m writing a book.
Of course, going to the bathroom or brushing my teeth takes 2 hours but somehow this new tempo (which is agonizingly slow) has given me the motivation to write.
What have you always wanted to do? To accomplish? To Experience? What things have you put in front of yourself that consistently blocks your path? What do you need to say out loud so the world hears it….and holds you to it? I’d love to hear about it!
And while you’re doing that….can you finish my book?
